Seven Places I Really Want to Visit Right Now

I'm feeling down and kind of depressed right now, which is not always unusual for me. Sometimes this mood will wash over me without warning and then pass the next day or two, but it's what keeps me up right now. I'm actually going to force myself to go to bed in a few minutes so I can get some sleep, otherwise I'd be likely to stay up all night working or playing on the computer.

So I'm thinking about seven places I'd rather be right now. This is in no particular order.

1. Atlantic City, NJ - There is a certain stark charm to Atlantic City during the winter. It's too cold and windy for the tacky to be out. The boardwalk is sometimes silent aside from the crashing waves, and the casinos are empty. AC wears that well.
2. Apricale, Italy - That's the place in the above picture. It looks gorgeous. It's on the Italian Riveria, so it's only an hour from the beach, right across the border from France, and near Nice. Italian food, French food, fresh air, and the beach? Yes please. (Photo courtesy of Flickr user Bert52. All rights reserved.)
3. Disney World - It's warm and the air is thick. It truly has the feel of magic. Both times I've been to Disney World I have been overwhelmed by how at peace I feel. Maybe they put Xanax in water. Maybe I just belong there. I have a CD of the music that they play in the background at Animal Kingdom and when I am at my darkest I put it on. When I do that same peaceful feeling floods my heart and I cry.
4. Kerala, India - Also warm. I have been told that Kerala is the most beautiful place in India, and from the pictures I have seen, I'd believe it. The picture here is of the sunset on a boat tour through the waters of Kerala. I want so badly to go there. They say that 70,000 years ago the ancestors of man who migrated out of Africa settled in the Kerala region and many never left. I really can't say that I blame them.
(Photo courtesy of Flickr user albany_tim. All rights reserved.)
5. Japan - Right now I don't want to visit the Japan we most often see, the big city and all of the insanity and weirdness that comes with it, but the reflective pine forests and quiet contemplative places. I want to find a place to be still. I want to find a place to be able to say nothing for long periods of time and have that be okay.
6. Santorini, Greece - Built on top of, and next to, many volcanos, Santorini is also a stark place. But in the midst of all that starkness people have built incredible beauty and charm. A long time ago I bought a small postcard sized picture of a terrace in Santorini looking out onto the Mediterranean without knowing where it was. I just knew I wanted to step through the picture and onto that terrace very badly. I still do. (Photo courtesy of Flickr user MarcelGermain. All rights reserved.)
7. Sao Paolo, Brazil - It's not that I crave busy or bustle right now. Clearly I'm seeking refuge from it, but there's still a part of me that wants to go there. I would love to travel the whole of Brazil, but I find something incredibly appealing about Brazil's "second city." Rio may get more of the attention but I'm less interested in it. Maybe it's because Anthony Bourdain spent time in Sao Paolo and that got me interested.

There are plenty of other places that I would love to visit one day, these are just the ones that are right at the forefront of my head.

Maybe once I sleep I will feel more whole again and this desire to travel will have subsided. Somehow, though, I doubt it.

Thoughts on my own Death

I just finished up a post about the album "Haunted" by Poe on Last.fm. The album crushes my heart every time I hear it because of the end. It is a gentle lullaby sang by Poe to her deceased father with recordings from her father talking to his kids when they were little.

Being a father I'm so deeply and personally attached my children (normal) but to the point that sometimes at night I think about the million things I could have done with my kids and the fact that I didn't get to. I think about the fact that I have to travel to work tomorrow and I could die and never see them again. I think about the fact that I could be at work and something could happen to them, and I yelled at them today. I spanked Owen. I flit through the untold horrors that could befall us all and cry. I weep like a child out of regret and fear and anger and disappointment. I weep in the middle of the night out of terror. For no reason at all.

I lost my father when I was 16 and I know how damned hard it is, and I can't bear to think about my own children having to go through that when I pass away. It is perverse that the one thing I wish I could help them with the most, the one thing I wish I could shield them from and keep them away from is the very thing that takes me from them.