alright, I admit it. I just ate an entire jar of nutella. damn, I can't believe I did that. but it was...delicious.

sometimes you are not where you thought you were. you need a change of scenery to find yourself again.

dear Canadian Bacon, thank you for being so awesome.

been reading "Warrior Girls" and now I'm worrying about how to prevent ACL injuries in my soccer teams, and more importantly, my kids.

back from soccer. the kids won their second game in a row! w00t! opposing team played the same tiny soccer robot we faced last week. wth

Lost tonight, Lost tonight, Lost tonight, Lost tonight, Lost tonight, Lost tonight....LOST TONIGHT!!!!!! thx, I'm here all week!

Plans for Soccer - I'm Coaching Two Teams! (Maybe)

Both Owen and McKenna want to do soccer next year, which is great, but they will be on different teams and they're both demanding I coach them, which is not so great. I've been talking to my wife about what I'm going to do, especially because we haven't been sure whether Owen's been serious about soccer but the paperwork came today asking me if I was going to volunteer again, so I agreed to coach both teams.

It sounds nuts. It is nuts. It was hard at the beginning coaching one team, but I enjoyed the hell out of it. I got to spend time with my friend Jeff which was awesome, spend time with my kids, and make new friends, so those were all pluses. My kids really love soccer and both are decent at it, so I want to continue to encourage their interest.

I don't even know if they'll let me coach two teams or not. Some of the other coaches have done it in the past, so it shouldn't be a big deal, and Jeff has said that he might coach this year too, so maybe I'll let him have a team and take a back seat. I don't know yet.

What I do know is I really love coaching, more than anything I can remember in a long time, and as long as I enjoy it I'm going to keep doing it. Hell, at this point, if I could get paid to do it full time I'd jump at the chance. I mean that seriously.

Inauguration Tomorrow

I'm excited for the inauguration tomorrow.  It truly feels like a long national, and personal, nightmare is over.  This lapsing administration has been a disaster in every sense of the word.  I am still a libertarian and I hope for smaller government and more freedoms.  I am working for the cause of smaller government but I'd also love an undoing of the Bush presidency and that wasn't going to happen with McCain.  It wasn't going to happen with Bob Barr or any of the third-party candidates.  I saw the writing on the wall and knew which direction the country was going to shift.  So I am going with it.  I view Obama as the ipecac of politics.

But even more importantly, I'm excited to have a president that is not afraid of education, is not afraid of intelligence, or making an informed decision, who deliberates.  I am excited to have a president who's hallmark will not be goofy names for journalists but will be straightforward answers and attempts to fix the problems we're facing.

This really is great time in history.

feeling suddenly wistful as twilight approaches

grilled cheese for breakfast this morning: three kinds of cheddar, spices, and a thin smear of mayo. good oily coffee too.

have a glass of white wine and relaxing in front of the TV. watching Best Week Ever. my wife's not sold on @twitterkins hosting.

on the phone, working. watching "The Story of India". relaxing. I am the awesome.

home and relaxing after a great client meeting and a good dinner with the family.

there's always something that's on fire. just when I think I've settled all of the issues, something else comes up.

Seven Places I Really Want to Visit Right Now

I'm feeling down and kind of depressed right now, which is not always unusual for me. Sometimes this mood will wash over me without warning and then pass the next day or two, but it's what keeps me up right now. I'm actually going to force myself to go to bed in a few minutes so I can get some sleep, otherwise I'd be likely to stay up all night working or playing on the computer.

So I'm thinking about seven places I'd rather be right now. This is in no particular order.

1. Atlantic City, NJ - There is a certain stark charm to Atlantic City during the winter. It's too cold and windy for the tacky to be out. The boardwalk is sometimes silent aside from the crashing waves, and the casinos are empty. AC wears that well.
2. Apricale, Italy - That's the place in the above picture. It looks gorgeous. It's on the Italian Riveria, so it's only an hour from the beach, right across the border from France, and near Nice. Italian food, French food, fresh air, and the beach? Yes please. (Photo courtesy of Flickr user Bert52. All rights reserved.)
3. Disney World - It's warm and the air is thick. It truly has the feel of magic. Both times I've been to Disney World I have been overwhelmed by how at peace I feel. Maybe they put Xanax in water. Maybe I just belong there. I have a CD of the music that they play in the background at Animal Kingdom and when I am at my darkest I put it on. When I do that same peaceful feeling floods my heart and I cry.
4. Kerala, India - Also warm. I have been told that Kerala is the most beautiful place in India, and from the pictures I have seen, I'd believe it. The picture here is of the sunset on a boat tour through the waters of Kerala. I want so badly to go there. They say that 70,000 years ago the ancestors of man who migrated out of Africa settled in the Kerala region and many never left. I really can't say that I blame them.
(Photo courtesy of Flickr user albany_tim. All rights reserved.)
5. Japan - Right now I don't want to visit the Japan we most often see, the big city and all of the insanity and weirdness that comes with it, but the reflective pine forests and quiet contemplative places. I want to find a place to be still. I want to find a place to be able to say nothing for long periods of time and have that be okay.
6. Santorini, Greece - Built on top of, and next to, many volcanos, Santorini is also a stark place. But in the midst of all that starkness people have built incredible beauty and charm. A long time ago I bought a small postcard sized picture of a terrace in Santorini looking out onto the Mediterranean without knowing where it was. I just knew I wanted to step through the picture and onto that terrace very badly. I still do. (Photo courtesy of Flickr user MarcelGermain. All rights reserved.)
7. Sao Paolo, Brazil - It's not that I crave busy or bustle right now. Clearly I'm seeking refuge from it, but there's still a part of me that wants to go there. I would love to travel the whole of Brazil, but I find something incredibly appealing about Brazil's "second city." Rio may get more of the attention but I'm less interested in it. Maybe it's because Anthony Bourdain spent time in Sao Paolo and that got me interested.

There are plenty of other places that I would love to visit one day, these are just the ones that are right at the forefront of my head.

Maybe once I sleep I will feel more whole again and this desire to travel will have subsided. Somehow, though, I doubt it.

had a great train ride into the city. listened to Radio Lab, did the NYT crossword, and snoozed.

watching Scrubs. hoping it doesn't go all seventh-season-of-Gilmore-Girls because of the network change.

this is just one of those days that feels all weird and out of place. can't tell if the weird is in me or coming from the outside.

trying to convince my kids that now that Redskins aren't in the playoffs it's okay to root for the Steelers.

unsubscribing from a slew of newsletters I never read any more. simplify simplify simplify.

The Things We Remember

I was in the passenger's seat while my mom drove. It was getting dark and cold outside. The sky was a dark streaked purple. Crows roosted on the powerlines and they watched the cars pass back and forth.

We were headed to Renova, the nursing home my dad was living at while he slowly died. He didn't respond to us any more. His skin was thin and yellowing more each day. His breath came out in small slow clicks.

I would sit in his room for a while and then go to the rec room and listen to the parakeets flit in their cage before going back to his room. The whole building smelled of urine and collapsing ruin, but my dad's room had a different smell that was completely his.

I leaned in to kiss him on the forehead and rubbed his head. My mom stood in the door and talked to the nurse.

"Isn't there anything you can do for the jaundice?"
"No ma'am. There isn't."
"Is his doctor going to come by?"
"He was already here."

I went outside to cool down. The crows skittered across the sky. I thought about "The Dark Half" which I was reading in between visits to my dad. I would go back in and sit with him and talk to him. The same clicking breathing. The same yellowing skin. The parakeets. The crows. The crushing purple sky. The days all ran together.

Trips to the nursing home, reading Stephen King, eating out. All of the time blended together. The only constant was my entire life was waiting for my dad to die.

(Photo courtesy of Flickr user NewMediaBrew. All rights reserved.)

finished playing rock band for the night and getting ready for an early bed time. finally have to go back to work tomorrow. :(

The Potential of Oxtails

I am not what you'd call a timid eater. I am willing to try anything at least twice and I always make myself revisit foods I've written off to see if my tastes have changed. I figure if people get by eating fish heads or brussel sprouts I can try them again, at least just once.

So yesterday at the store I picked up oxtails.

Oxtails are not commonly used in the US, but they are found in dishes in other parts of the world, so I want to take a crack at them.

I haven't figured out what I'm going to do with them yet. I've considered trying a Spanish dish or a Chinese dish (in honor of the year of the Ox!) or maybe a Moghul dish, like a remix of rogan josh. Oxtails have the bone in the center and a lot of connective tissue in them which makes them ideal for stews, braises, and long, slow cooking recipes which will convert the collagen into gelatin.

Just thinking about the possibilities of what I can do with the oxtails is making me hungry.

For me, it is not just the final dish that makes cooking fun but also the wide-open possibilities before you start. Food is very much like Lego. You can do so many different things with the same basic building blocks that it's hard for me to not want to try them all. Cooking is both art and engineering, creation and chemistry, birthing and building.

(Photo courtesy of Flickr user stirwise. All rights reserved.)

my wife's completely addicted to RockBand 2. I'm not complaining. Just saying...

watching Eagle Eye. another shitty movie with all computers controlled from on location. I doubt the 7-11 CCTV is networked, no offense.

New Years Resolutions

I have a list of resolutions that I'm pledging myself to this year:

• I pledge to only work at most two nights in a week.
• I pledge to have at least two nights a month for movies with the kids
• I pledge to have at least two nights a month for game night with the kids
• I pledge to blog three times a week
• I pledge to work on the Artist's Way
• I pledge to start doing yoga three times a week, in addition to the other exercises, etc I'm already doing

My plan also has another step, which is to revisit these every month to revise them.  Resolutions are good but they need to be renewed, pruned, trimmed as they don't work.