Seven Places I Really Want to Visit Right Now

I'm feeling down and kind of depressed right now, which is not always unusual for me. Sometimes this mood will wash over me without warning and then pass the next day or two, but it's what keeps me up right now. I'm actually going to force myself to go to bed in a few minutes so I can get some sleep, otherwise I'd be likely to stay up all night working or playing on the computer.

So I'm thinking about seven places I'd rather be right now. This is in no particular order.

1. Atlantic City, NJ - There is a certain stark charm to Atlantic City during the winter. It's too cold and windy for the tacky to be out. The boardwalk is sometimes silent aside from the crashing waves, and the casinos are empty. AC wears that well.
2. Apricale, Italy - That's the place in the above picture. It looks gorgeous. It's on the Italian Riveria, so it's only an hour from the beach, right across the border from France, and near Nice. Italian food, French food, fresh air, and the beach? Yes please. (Photo courtesy of Flickr user Bert52. All rights reserved.)
3. Disney World - It's warm and the air is thick. It truly has the feel of magic. Both times I've been to Disney World I have been overwhelmed by how at peace I feel. Maybe they put Xanax in water. Maybe I just belong there. I have a CD of the music that they play in the background at Animal Kingdom and when I am at my darkest I put it on. When I do that same peaceful feeling floods my heart and I cry.
4. Kerala, India - Also warm. I have been told that Kerala is the most beautiful place in India, and from the pictures I have seen, I'd believe it. The picture here is of the sunset on a boat tour through the waters of Kerala. I want so badly to go there. They say that 70,000 years ago the ancestors of man who migrated out of Africa settled in the Kerala region and many never left. I really can't say that I blame them.
(Photo courtesy of Flickr user albany_tim. All rights reserved.)
5. Japan - Right now I don't want to visit the Japan we most often see, the big city and all of the insanity and weirdness that comes with it, but the reflective pine forests and quiet contemplative places. I want to find a place to be still. I want to find a place to be able to say nothing for long periods of time and have that be okay.
6. Santorini, Greece - Built on top of, and next to, many volcanos, Santorini is also a stark place. But in the midst of all that starkness people have built incredible beauty and charm. A long time ago I bought a small postcard sized picture of a terrace in Santorini looking out onto the Mediterranean without knowing where it was. I just knew I wanted to step through the picture and onto that terrace very badly. I still do. (Photo courtesy of Flickr user MarcelGermain. All rights reserved.)
7. Sao Paolo, Brazil - It's not that I crave busy or bustle right now. Clearly I'm seeking refuge from it, but there's still a part of me that wants to go there. I would love to travel the whole of Brazil, but I find something incredibly appealing about Brazil's "second city." Rio may get more of the attention but I'm less interested in it. Maybe it's because Anthony Bourdain spent time in Sao Paolo and that got me interested.

There are plenty of other places that I would love to visit one day, these are just the ones that are right at the forefront of my head.

Maybe once I sleep I will feel more whole again and this desire to travel will have subsided. Somehow, though, I doubt it.

The Potential of Oxtails

I am not what you'd call a timid eater. I am willing to try anything at least twice and I always make myself revisit foods I've written off to see if my tastes have changed. I figure if people get by eating fish heads or brussel sprouts I can try them again, at least just once.

So yesterday at the store I picked up oxtails.

Oxtails are not commonly used in the US, but they are found in dishes in other parts of the world, so I want to take a crack at them.

I haven't figured out what I'm going to do with them yet. I've considered trying a Spanish dish or a Chinese dish (in honor of the year of the Ox!) or maybe a Moghul dish, like a remix of rogan josh. Oxtails have the bone in the center and a lot of connective tissue in them which makes them ideal for stews, braises, and long, slow cooking recipes which will convert the collagen into gelatin.

Just thinking about the possibilities of what I can do with the oxtails is making me hungry.

For me, it is not just the final dish that makes cooking fun but also the wide-open possibilities before you start. Food is very much like Lego. You can do so many different things with the same basic building blocks that it's hard for me to not want to try them all. Cooking is both art and engineering, creation and chemistry, birthing and building.

(Photo courtesy of Flickr user stirwise. All rights reserved.)

My Heart Breaks Open

I'm watching "The Namesake" tonight while I work. The movie speaks about the troubles of growing up a first-generation American and trying to balance between deep cultural traditions and the American way of life. My mom is from Germany so I feel a lot of connection to the themes in the movie.

But there is something more about this movie. This movie hit me on a lot of levels. Seeing how Kal Penn treats his parents as they get older, disrespecting them when they clearly love him. And then his changing relationship with them. I worry all the time about how my kids will treat me and perceive me as they age and I do too. I hope they love me. I hope I am close to them and they know how important they are to me.

And then there's a whole other level to the movie that I do not understand. Every movie about India, and I mean every movie, has broken open my heart. And I cried. I can't explain it. It as if something inside me springs forth with joy with only the thought of the place or the sight. I know it is not some perfect place. I've seen the pictures. I've talked with my friends, and I know that there is much there that is bad. But still...

I don't know why this happens, and I don't know that I ever will. I don't know that I ever want to know. And sometimes it scares me. I have read about people who have idolized India and I don't think I am one of those people. I don't want to be one of those people. I don't want my identity to be subsumed by a whole nation. I want to be my own person not identified by one thing, and I feel like I am sometimes. But none of those thoughts stop me from breaking down whenever I see something about India.