How...

How can I be snarky about CNN being a panic about Twitter being down if I can't post about it on...Twitter?

Pushing Back

I was going to get up and run this morning but I was so tired from camping, and happy to be sleeping in my own bed that I could not get up. So I pushed it back to lunch time.

I got involved in diagnosing a client issue in the morning and fixing it so I couldn't run at lunch. So I pushed it back to 4pm.

Got an email from my boss at 4pm asking for details about a project and spent over an hour talking to him to hash it all out. So I pushed the running back to 6pm.

It's 6pm and we still haven't eaten dinner. The kids are hungry and want to go swimming to boot. So I'm pushing back the running again.

All I want to do is run and instead all I get to do is push it back.

Why can't there be more time for me?

Restless

I don't know if it's the upcoming holiday and my planned short vacation or just the general frustration with home issues, but I'm feeling deeply unsettled and restless today. I ran this morning but with the sun shining and the breeze blowing I want to be outside again. I want to run down the street, down some hills, along the creek and feel the freckled sunshine on my face. We've got a leak in the basement, leaky windows, an unfinished kitchen, and a bathroom in need of gutting and repairing. None of that's going to happen though until the market rights itself and banks get back to lending money. Who knows when that will happen though. And until we get some traction on even one of these issues, Heather and I are on edge, each of us annoyed by something different at different times.

Even worse, we both want to get the kids a playset in the backyard, but again, we don't have the money or the ability to secure financing.

So all of this frustration and aggravation bubbles inside of me. It turns and whirls inside Heather too, and together we just can't stand it. We're not usually mad at each other, just...tired. But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that sometimes I feel like a failure because I don't make enough money to just write a check and make this all go away. I wish I did, but I don't. Sometimes I entertain the idea of getting a second job just so I can get more money coming in, but that's never been a good idea, and I detest even thinking it.

The only saving grace for me is I think the kids have no awareness of the house or they just don't care. I get more calm and satisfaction from that than I care to admit. As long as they're happy and safe, I feel good. Or, not quite as restless.

Scene from the Train

Across the aisle from me sits a man in scuffed white Skechers and a gray sport coat. His silver hoop earring reflects the passing landscape. He sits with two books open in his lap and a pen between his teeth, reading a few pages in each book and then switching back to the other, all the while taking notes in the margins.

His knees brush up against his wine-colored leather tote with the matching zippers. Once in a while, as he reads, he breaks into a smile and strokes his chin. He fidgets, changes his position, moves his legs, repositions his feet, but does not put his books down.

Fitness Journal - 22 May 2009

I stepped out into the 3pm heat. The sun dropped over my head and my shoulders burned under my navy t-shirt. The kids ran around outside shooting each other with water guns. Trucks of tanbark rumbled by. I sat on the front stoop and quietly laced my sneakers.

I started my warm up walk around the cul de sac, stretching my calves, walking on the balls of my feet, and slowly taking lunges.

"Daddy, can we squirt you?"
"Not yet. I have my cellphone and my stop watch with me."
"Aw man..."
"Tell you what. Jog with me and you can squirt me when we're done."
"Really?"
"Really!"

They stopped and talked while I turned the corner and got to the starting line.
"Daddy, wait, we're coming with you!"
"Okay then, come on."

And we were off.

Up the street into the next cul de sac and around the curve.
"Are we ready to stop yet?" McKenna asked.
"Not yet."
"Well how long?" she huffed.
"Keep going."
We turned the corner and down the hill we ran, still keeping the slow small strides. The air was warm and my breath was a little ragged. McKenna asked again "Are we ready to stop yet?"
"Not yet."
She started to fuss but I just kept running. Owen skittered quietly about in front of me, almost making me trip twice but keeping pace.

All the way down the hill we ran. All the way down the hill McKenna fussed. I looked back at her. "If you didn't fuss, you could keep up!"
"I don't want to keep up!"
"I'm not stopping!" I was trying to beat my 15:00 minute mile. I was going to beat my 15:00 minute mile.

I turned the next corner and walked up the hill. Owen kept urging his sister on. I checked my time. Only 7 minutes elapsed so far. I could make it before 15 minutes, but I had to press on.

I caught my breath as I walked. McKenna asked "Do we have any water?"
"No"
"Can we call mommy?"
"We're almost home now. Let's keep going."

Along the rolling hills we ran towards our house. I could feel the energy in my legs giving out. My sides itched and my lungs were empty. I stopped and walked and heard a honking horn. Heather had driven by to pick up the kids. I let her shuffle them into the van while I kept going. So close to home and the stop watch showed 12:30. I was going to beat my best time!

I turned the corner to begin the hill climb up to my house and I started to sprint. 13:00, 13:30, I stopped at the corner and walked the rest of the way. I'd done it!

I complete my mile in 14:30, and as I rounded the corner back to the house, the kids ran out and sprayed me.

It was a good day.

(Photo Used by Permission from Flickr User Sylvain Mercier. All Rights Reserved)

Fitness Journal - 16 May 2009

I went running today after a two day break.

I didn't plan the two-day break. I've just been busy, but I have a deal with myself that I'm not going to wait more than two days between runs, so I didn't. I was not any worse for wear by taking those two days off. I tried something different this time though, to see how it worked. I took smaller steps when I jogged to see if it changed how long I could run for, and I was happy to see that it did. My knees also didn't hurt nearly as bad when I was done.

I kept the smaller pace a lot longer, and when I rounded the corner to take the last hill I pushed myself hard to sprint up it. I didn't make it to the top of the hill sprinting, and it took a long time to catch my breath, but baby steps, baby steps.

I feel great for the running. I am more energetic, and I spend time daydreaming about running now in different situations. Where I would only daydream about martial arts, now sometimes I see myself in foot races or sports. Good times, at least, in my own head.

The depressing thing for me is I'm still not seeing any change in weight, and not much in terms of waist size right now. I feel like I should have seen a change in that regard yet. Because I haven't, I'm looking to change my diet around. I was on Atkins, which does not work well for me, when I'm running. I need some carbs to replace what I'm using when running.

Someone suggested the Paleolithic Diet to me, but I'm not entirely sold on it. For one, I'm not entirely convinced that the human race hasn't evolved to allow us to profit from eating certain legumes and grains. Furthermore, the sites I've seen that recommend the diet say processed foods are bad, but also recommend olives. As a foodie who's watched Good Eats, I know what goes into the process of curing olives, and it qualifies as a processed food. Any time I need to soak my food in lye for a long period to make it what it is today, it's processed. I'm just saying.

What I think I need to do is increase the amount of leaner meats, swap out the bad fats like mayo (I'm gonna miss you buddy) for better ones, and start adding fruits back in. If I'm going to eat more carbs, they may as well be fruits.

Actually, what I think I should do is probably go see a sports nutritionist and talk this over with him/her.

We'll see what happens.

On the in-between days I'm doing the Hundred Pushups challenge and I'm going to start adding weight training. That will have a positive effect on both my running and my weight. I'm going to focus on mostly core exercises, though I will also work in squats, dead lifts, and lunges, so I build some more strength in my legs.

The goal is to get healthy by the fall so I feel like a better role model for my own kids, and then kids on my soccer teams. That, and live damn near forever. I'd like that too.

(Photo Used By Permission from Flickr user Carmelo Aquilina. All Rights Reserved)

Exercise Journal - 11 May 2009

I got up this morning a little before 4.30 to run. I looked at the clock to make sure I was reading it right. I wasn't tired, but I wasn't awake either. Was it really that early? As I stood there breathing and whirring in the dark, Heather rolled over.
"Is it time to get up already?"
I leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "Not yet. I'm going running."
"But you just went to bed."
"It only feels that way. I love you."
She rolled over and fell back asleep. I set the alarm clock to 5.30 and pulled on shorts, a heavy gray t-shirt, and my beige Nike hoodie with the frayed collar and cuffs. The fan sucked in gulps of the cool night air and I knew I needed a jacket to run in or I'd freeze.

I stood looking in the mirror for a minute, staring at myself. I entertained the idea that I might actually look dashing, and then I got to the business of brushing my teeth. Once I was done with that, I pulled up the leg of my shorts and pissed in the toilet and I was off. Down the stairs, stop watch in hand, and out the door I stepped into the dark early morning.

It was quiet. The birds barely murmured. The roads still slept. The air felt poised to spring up. I slowly walked the circle, taking time to tweet that I was out jogging that early.

I turned the corner and started jogging. Immediately my knees complained and felt stiff, so I slowed a little, but I wasn't going to stop. I turned the corner and into the next circle. Dogs in house barked madly as I made my rounds. Birds started waking and whooping in the trees. Someone opened their garage door. I pushed on, jogging down the long hill till I couldn't suck breath any more. I reveled in the fact that I'd jogged without stopping even further than I had any time before. I checked my stop watch and saw I wasn't making great time, but I still felt wonderful.

I walked for two minutes until my breath caught up with me and then I started again, jogging the rolling hills of my neighborhood, making the turns and climbs back to my house. The joy of living on top of the hill is paired with the pain of having to climb that hill every time you want to get home. At 4.30 in the morning my wife's not going to get out of bed to pick me up if I get lazy.

When I got back to the circle by my house I slowed and walked quietly. The neighbor's dog Molly apoplectically barked at me again. I laughed and sucked air as I cooled down. The stop watch showed I'd made a 17-minute mile. I was happy. It wasn't my best time, but I didn't even expect that good of a result for running that early.

And there's always Wednesday to improve on my time.