An Uncomfortable Silence

There was an uncomfortable silence in the room.  We were in a Mexican standoff.  His fingers tightly gripped my right nipple.  I was gripping his left nipple.

I raised one eyebrow.  "So...are you going to let go?"

"Nope!"

"I'm not letting go until you let go."

He shook his head.  "I'm not letting go!"

We looked at each other.  I narrowed my eyes at Owen.  He crinkled his nose and smiled.  His fingers pinched harder so I squeezed a little harder.  One of us was going to lose.

Suddenly my wife walked.

"WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

My son jumped.  I squeezed last.  I won.

You Just Don't Understand

Friday night, as I was getting ready for bed, I turned to my wife and said "I need to get to sleep and get up before Owen."

"Why?"

"Well, if I get up before him, I get to put snow in his pants.  If he wakes up before me, he says he's going to put snow in my pants."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's a deal we made with each other."

"You are not doing tha...why would you even agree to that?"

"Honey, I think you just don't understand the intricacies of a father-son relationship."

"Yeah, I must not."

I ended up getting up before him, but no snow was put into anyone's pants.  We had a snowball fight instead.