You Cannot Please My Wife

Heather's suffering from swine flu. It was really bad, though with a round of Tamiflu, codeine, and a rescue inhaler, she's already feeling much better, which I'm happy about. BUT...this entire experience, my wife has been saying, over and over again:

"I DO NOT HAVE SWINE FLU!"

"Why not?"

"I hate that term."

*sigh* "Alright, I hereby declare it. You have 'Coughing Pig Death'."

"I do not *cough*cough*weeze* have Coughing *hack* Pig Death."

"Why not?"

"That's even worse! I'm not going to die!"

"Right, it's Coughing PIG Death. You'll be fine."

"It's still so morbid."

"oooohhh, you need a cutsey name, like 'Rubella.' You got it. I hereby declare that you have the 'Itty Bitty Piggy Sniffles.'"

"*cough*hack*cough*cough*cough*I DON'T HAVE THAT EITHER!"

There is no pleasing that woman...