My Heart Breaks Open

I'm watching "The Namesake" tonight while I work. The movie speaks about the troubles of growing up a first-generation American and trying to balance between deep cultural traditions and the American way of life. My mom is from Germany so I feel a lot of connection to the themes in the movie.

But there is something more about this movie. This movie hit me on a lot of levels. Seeing how Kal Penn treats his parents as they get older, disrespecting them when they clearly love him. And then his changing relationship with them. I worry all the time about how my kids will treat me and perceive me as they age and I do too. I hope they love me. I hope I am close to them and they know how important they are to me.

And then there's a whole other level to the movie that I do not understand. Every movie about India, and I mean every movie, has broken open my heart. And I cried. I can't explain it. It as if something inside me springs forth with joy with only the thought of the place or the sight. I know it is not some perfect place. I've seen the pictures. I've talked with my friends, and I know that there is much there that is bad. But still...

I don't know why this happens, and I don't know that I ever will. I don't know that I ever want to know. And sometimes it scares me. I have read about people who have idolized India and I don't think I am one of those people. I don't want to be one of those people. I don't want my identity to be subsumed by a whole nation. I want to be my own person not identified by one thing, and I feel like I am sometimes. But none of those thoughts stop me from breaking down whenever I see something about India.

my son's asthma is really flaring up these last two days. he's getting treatments three/four times a day now.

nerd alert: I've decided that the Star Trek transporter technology bothers me because it indicates a person's soul is a measurable quantity.

loving watching the Cowgirls lose to the Eagles is making me very happy.

economic times being what they are we've decided to not renew our NFL Sunday Ticket next year. I'm bummed but we need to save money

Owen is having a hell of a time with his asthma tonight. Giving him a nebulizer treatment while he sleeps to relieve his coughing.

working but wishing I was playing Rock Band. Or Guitar Hero. guess I'm playing...Documentation Hero. It's not nearly as much fun.

thinking about a pumpkin roll stuffed with coffee cheesecake.

played Wii Music with the kids today. such a different type of music game but had a bunch of fun with the kids. has some cool features too

in our in-home Guitar Hero III vs. Rock Band 2 face-off I like Rock Band more, but I think I like GH's guitar more.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

out running errands and listening to Radio Hanukkah on XM.

wife just called from the doctor's office. doc said she's got the worst case of strep he's seen. gave her better drugs and ordered rest

I just realized that I could probably find some pictures of really impressive boogers on Flickr. I don't want to. But I could.

my son turns into a snarling rhino when he gets sick. he thundered through the house a few minutes ago just because he could.

staying in to take care of the family suffering through strep.

OPEC looks to cut production by more than 2m barrels to offset sliding gas prices. can't we just get someone to kick them in the nuts?

cranking on some documentation. too much to do and so little time.

on my way home. working on the train. conference call tomorrow, so I'm trying to get ready now. maybe I can rest tonight. I need it.

prepping for a meeting. trying to get used to my new role.

drinking coffee spiced with cardamom. it's very good.

Wilco's "Can't Stand It" is absolutely my theme song today. That or..."Born of Frustration" from James.

getting a PS3 for Christmas this year. should I get Rock Band or Guitar Hero: World Tour with it? which one's better?

feeling all kinds of out of sorts. it's been a really busy couple of days and there will be no let up.

making a pot of coffee and getting ready for the second half of the day. it promises to be busy.

watching "How I Met Your Mother" and working.

Mood is much improved while at work. Looking forward to lunch today.

went to bed too late. woke up too early. shitty dreams last night. no coffee yet. desperately seeking the peace I felt on Friday.

enduring some abuse for buying two songs from Abba.

back at home and happy for it. it should be a great weekend! I hope you have one too.

on my way home. Working on the train. I love having an aircard.

"I Look Great! I Feel Great!"

Last night my six year old daughter pranced into the living room on the balls of her feet wearing one of my wife's bras.  She circled my wife and I twice like a model on a runway, and then she spotted her reflection in the sliding glass door.

She sashayed over to the door and adjusted the bra.

"I look great.  Yeah, I look great.  I looook great."  She fiddled with the bra for a minute.  "I feel great.  Oh yeah."

Then she spun around and left the room, holding the bra in place as she walked.

I looked at my wife.  "Well at least she feels good about herself!"

"I am sooooo not ready for to have a girl." 

(Photo courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/melissamaples/2887070187/)

cranking through work. I'll be at it for a while though...

up and working. but I'm not promising that I'm going to be conscious.

power is down at work. redirecting to something else. soooo tired, btw. I was up most of the night.

Google Chrome thinks Facebook's a phishing site...interesting.

up and working. I am STARVING!

working late from home because I care.

An Uncomfortable Silence

There was an uncomfortable silence in the room.  We were in a Mexican standoff.  His fingers tightly gripped my right nipple.  I was gripping his left nipple.

I raised one eyebrow.  "So...are you going to let go?"

"Nope!"

"I'm not letting go until you let go."

He shook his head.  "I'm not letting go!"

We looked at each other.  I narrowed my eyes at Owen.  He crinkled his nose and smiled.  His fingers pinched harder so I squeezed a little harder.  One of us was going to lose.

Suddenly my wife walked.

"WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

My son jumped.  I squeezed last.  I won.

got two cups of coffee at Wawa this morning, just because I wanted to. You can never have enough coffee.