I Have A Lot Of Nothing To Say

Soccer Sabermetrics - Challenges

2010-10-01T10:55:00.004-04:00

The Challenges of Soccer Sabermetrics

To continue on with my post from yesterday, talking about soccer sabermetrics, there's a few things to consider before I dig into the actual equations. I mentioned this briefly the previous post when I said:

Obviously the key difficulty is whereas measuring a single player's performance in baseball is relatively easy (each player performs, in essence, individually), it's harder to do for true team sports like soccer.

And I want to expand on that. In baseball, a batter performs on his own when he's hitting. Yes, he's reacting to the pitches, but it's his swing, his power, and his strategy that leads to hits or outs. The pitcher on the mound is relatively isolated as well. He works with the catcher, but the average catcher's efforts provide only a small amount of support to the overall effort.

That's not true on the soccer field. It's uncommon for a single player to act wholly on their own on the field, except, of course, the goalie, who is a special case (which we will deal with later). Absolutely, there are players who elevate the play of the whole team, and there are players, Lionel Messi for example, who can make fantastic plays on their own. But they're the exception and not the norm. But sabermetrics whole point is to calculate reliable non-biased statistics to measure individual players in their sport.

So two things need to happen:

We need to find a way to isolate an individual player's efforts from those of their peers.
We need to develop a set of statistics that indicate the overall ability of team as well.

Measuring the Individual Player

A good measure of an individual player's skill would be shooting efficiency. How many goals does a player make for every shot on goal? How many times do they have the ball stolen from them when they have possession? How many shots on goal does a player take over their total time of possession?

These types of statistics relate as closely as possible to what a single player can do on the field. Obviously most of these examples given are specific to offensive players, but they give the clearest picture of a player's contribution to the team. This is one of those challenging aspects of applying statistical models to individual players on a team sport. Relating it back to baseball again, leaving the whole DH vs. pitchers hitting discussion aside for now, every player plays offense, and every player plays defense. Not so in sports like soccer, American football, basketball, and so on.

Measuring the Team as a Whole

For overall team statistics? How long does the ball stay in a specific zone on the field? Does a team play 70% of their matches in the mid-field? Then maybe their forwards are underpowered. Do they play most of the match near their opponents goal? Maybe they've stacked most of their powerful players forward, and you need to adopt a strategy of long balls towards their goal.

The biggest concern in this class of statistics is that these can depend very heavily on the opponent. If you have an average team who faces four of the best teams in the league at the start of their season then the stats may be skewed unfairly in a negative direction.

Furthermore, as teams change, these statistics become invalid. Last year's "Total Defensive Power" may not apply when the keeper retires and the team sweeper gets traded. So each year you have to redo these numbers. Perhaps you could apply a modifier against the calculated number to reflect the number of personnel changes, but that seems like a poor practice right on the surface.

Handling the Challenges

Looking at these two classes of statistics, there are a few other problems which are apparent:

Not all players play in the same position all the time. You may have a player who moves around into several different positions. The statistics need to be tailored to the positions the player is in.
Not all players play the whole game. You may have a player who scores all of the goals in the first half and then needs to sit out the second. The statistics you generate should not be solely based on the overall outcome of the game, but zero in more tightly on the player themselves. Of course, if you have a player who routinely loses possession of the ball which leads to more losses, you should probably have a way to track that as well.

Unfortunately, or maybe the better word is realistically, this effort is a first draft. These methods and algorithms will be honed over time. I think it's better to keep them simplistic this first go round. The more complex they are, the more likely they are to have errors or biases we want to avoid. But as we apply the methods over time we will start see what needs tweaked where.

Alright, now I think we're ready to start talking actual algorithms.

Soccer Sabermetrics

2010-09-30T17:31:00.003-04:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about how to apply the principles of sabermetrics to soccer. For those who don't know, sabermetrics is a set of advanced statistics computed against a player's performance in baseball. Starting in the 1980's, a scattered group of dedicated baseball fans realized that traditional baseball statistics, like ERA and batting average are not good measures of a player's true performance on the field. So they came up with new statistical methods which gave a more accurate picture of how valuable a player is in a game.

One such example is On-Base Percentage plus Slugging (OPS). Traditionally, a player's offensive abilities is measured through batting average. However, a player's BA is measured as their hits divided by their at-bats. Hits are not the only way a player can get on base. Players can get on base by getting hit, or by getting walked. You may have a fearsome hitter who gets intentionally walked, resulting in a lower average, even though he's consistently making it to first base. (Insert your own crude joke here about balls, first base, and hitters.)

What happens when you start to measure players through sabermetrics is you find players who are undervalued by traditional thinking, but are highly valuable during the game. It was the application of sabermetrics that allowed the Oakland Athletics to win consecutive World Series championships with no-name players on a shoestring budget.

So with this high-level overview, you can start to see the appeal of sabermetrics, especially if they can be applied to another sport. It lets you see things in different way. You feel like Neo in the Matrix. You see the code underneath the game. Maybe a player that appears undersized on the field actually prevents twice as many goals against your team compared to the player who looks more robust. Maybe a player doesn't score ever but assists on every goal. She would be just as valuable up front during an attack as a player who makes the goals. The new insight lets you reasses your players and their abilities. As a geek and as a soccer coach, this appeals very deeply to me.

Obviously the key difficulty is whereas measuring a single player's performance in baseball is relatively easy (each player performs, in essence, individually), it's harder to do for true team sports like soccer.

But I have been putting some thought into how to do it, and I think I have some good equations to start with.

I will begin posting the equations here for discussion and refinement.

I hope you're willing to join me on this discussion.

Thanks!

The Maurice Reeves Rule for Food Substitutes

2010-07-21T12:43:00.003-04:00

Having a wife who's diabetic and having weight issues of my own, I have often notion of "real food" versus "engineered food", or "food substitute."

By real food I mean genuine food you can identify, with products you can readily identify. For example, a steak and a salad is real food. You know where they both came from. Fruit salad is real food. A fried egg is real food.

Food substitutes are things like Muscle Milk, Luna Bars, those Cookie Diet cookies. They were engineered and created in a lab. You're not stocking a jar of soy protein isolate in your pantry.

And the whole notion of engineered foods bothers me a bit. I don't think people should eat it. It's not good for you, despite the claims. And here's how I think I can prove it, with a simple rule:

If after eating Food Substitute X, you are still craving Real Food Y, then Food Substitute X was not worth eating.

Let me give you a concrete example:

Who among you has eaten a steak dinner, with a salad and a baked potato and said "You know what would really go well with this? A Slim-Fast." I venture none of you. But how many of your food substitute eaters have dutifully drank your diet shakes and eaten your magic diet bars and a half-hour later, an hour later, sat there thinking "I WOULD KILL FOR A DONUT." I venture all of you.

And you know what? Most times, you probably end up caving, especially in times of stress, which in these modern times, feels like all the time. So what you've really done is increased the total number of calories you've eaten, felt guilty because you still cheated on your diet, and felt miserable because you ate something you didn't really enjoy.

I say, ditch the food substitutes. Eat the real food. Enjoy your steak, enjoy your bowl of pasta, and feel contented in knowing where your food came from, and how sated you really are.

(FYI - I have cross-posted this to my other blog: Healthy Kids PA, which is part of an effort to make school meals better, and to increase the amount of gym available to students.)

Travel Plans

2010-07-05T20:13:00.004-04:00

Heather and I were talking today about travel plans, where we want to go, where we should go, what we should see. All of this assumes we've got the kids with us, and we're hoping to travel to all these places before they graduate:

Here's the preliminary list in no particular order:

England
Scotland
Ireland
Germany
Iceland
Mexico
Patagonia
Honduras (Roatan specifically)
Japan
India
Canada
Tahiti
France
Italy
Tunisia
Mombasa, and Kenya
Zanzibar, and Tanzania

And domestically:

Texas
New Orleans
The Carolina Low-Country
The Badlands
Seattle
Portland, OR
Northern California
Boston
Maine
Hawaii

This is by no means an exhaustive list. But off the top of your head, what are we absolutely missing?

Foreign Cookbooks - Today, France!

2010-01-22T12:40:00.004-05:00

In what I hope will be part of a longer series, I came across two cookbooks from France that are held in the same high-regard in France as our American classics are here.

If you remember, this was a question I posted last week when musing about how we hold several cookbooks in high esteem, and I wondered if they did this in other countries.

Here's what I've discovered so far:
There is a book called the Larousse Gastronomique, which I had heard of before and completely forgotten. It was first published in 1938 and clocks in 1087 pages. And to think, editors in the US were concerned about the size of Julia Child's first book. Ha. It is an encyclopedia of culinary terms mixed in with recipes. The original book was purely French food, but a newer edition includes cuisine from other countries as well.

The other book is The Encyclopedia of Practical Gastronomy and is now out of print, but Julia Child herself gushed about the book and its broad scope and witty writing. I'm going to see if I can find a copy somewhere for cheap. I can't read French, I can barely ask my way to the bathroom, but it's worth a go.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the French have an affection and reverence for the cookbooks like we do. Scratch that, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that we have an affection and reverence for cookbooks like the French do. Despite public grumbling to the contrary, we share so much in common with the French, and owe quite a bit to them as well, that we are in essence family. There's enough material in this subject alone for a wholly new post, so I'm going to save my thoughts on this for later.

As for more foreign cookbooks, I'm going to bug my mom about German cookbooks. I know she has a few stashed away, and maybe I'll get to take some pictures and learn more about them. There is one classic German cookbook for Americans that I know of, by Mimi Sheraton, that I'm frankly not fond of, but I couldn't tell you why. I need to stew on it for a while.

More later.

What Next?

2010-01-19T12:12:00.004-05:00

Last night's Boeuf Bourguignon went well, though the meat was a little dry. I can't be sure if that was from its age or the cut, but I'm not going to sweat it. Cooking for me, as anxious as I get, is about experimentation, and being willing to make mistakes. It's not about being perfect, at least not at this level, because I'm not going to be perfect.

Beef will be dry, gravy will lump, the onions will burn, and I will have to throw them out and start over again.

I will say this, however, the sauce, the veggies, out of this world. I followed the recipe exactly, and used three cups of a four-year-old red Zinfandel from California which was somewhat dry, and a little sweet, and it made for a great base. I did not put in the mushrooms, per my wife's request, though I cooked them on the side and mixed them into my final dish.

So, tonight, I'm not cooking. Heather wants to make one of the kids' favorite dishes, and it does not come from the Julia Child cookbook, if you know what I'm saying, so it will be more pedestrian fare. I'm not complaining. The kids don't want to eat fancy food every day, my wife won't tolerate me taking over the kitchen, and I do have other things going on that require my attention, like a job, coaching, PTO, fixing up the house, etc. Though, how great would it be to just cook, without the whole, having to own a restaurant and never being home on the holidays bit.

Maybe I should be someone's housewife. I will willingly be someone's housewife if they want. I'll clean their house and cook their meals, and they just have to pay me what I make now and give me benefits. I'm absolutely down with that. You just have to fight my wife for me. Good luck. She throws a mean right hook.

But even if I was cooking tonight, I don't know that I'd be cracking open MtAoFC. It's a fabulous cookbook and I'm infatuated with it, but I'm also a huge fan of Chinese and Indian food. I'm dying to have some Chicken Tikka Masala. Like right now. Someone bring me some. Maybe I'll make that in a few days, or maybe I'll crank out some Chicken with Broccoli. The world's too wide and big and wonderful to drill down into a single cookbook for too long. I've got too many other things I want to fry...I mean try.

So, what's next?

Tonight: Boeuf Bourguignon!

2010-01-18T12:25:00.007-05:00

We have an eye round roast that needs to be cooked today, so tonight, I'm making a Boeuf Bourguignon.

I have the Julia Child cookbook open and I'm planning out the cooking. I have learned that I need to prepare everything before I start, or I get stressed and rush. Cooking shouldn't be like that, so the first thing I'm going to do is go through the recipe and mark everything I need, including my pots and pans. The French call this a mise en place. The literal translation is "putting in place", but it really describes a method for preparing all of your individual pieces ahead of time into individual containers, measured and organized so the cooking is easier.

If you had a recipe that called for:

Four cups of red wine
Two bay leafs
Two springs of parsley
A tsp of thyme
1 lb of mushrooms, sliced

You would have your four cups of wine measured out already, a container for each spice (or one containing all of them mixed together, if they went in at the same time), and a bowl of your mushrooms. You do all of this before you really begin the process of applying heat to anything.

As a German, it appeals to me in the way I struggle to explain. The Germans have a common phrase "Alles in ordnung" which means "Everything's in order." You usually say it when someone asks you how you are. We say "Okay" or "Going well", but the Germans say "Alles in Ordnung." The Berliners will sometimes say "Alles in Butter," which means the same thing, but gives life a deliciously rich and fatty sense, no?

If you've ever been to Germany you know that order is very important. I think there's a tiny Teutonic taskmaster in my heart somewhere pacing the halls and snapping brisk instructions when things fall out of balance. "Säubern Sie das Haus!" "Waschen Sie die Teller! Schneiden Sie das Gemüse! Gießen Sie den Wein!" (He may be bossing me, but he's very polite about it.)

And so I go about trying to get everything ready ahead of time. For me, the mise en place is not just about getting the ingredients ready, it's not just about making sure I have all the right tools, it's also about preparing me, the chef. I need to be ready, so I'm putting myself in a place where I can cook.

Luckily, with this dish, I will be able to do large parts of it ahead of time. The onions can be stewed now, the mushrooms sauteed as well and put aside, so at 2.30 I can put in the roast and be, generally, stress-free about the whole affair.

I'll never be completely cool about cooking. Even dishes I breeze through worry me when I'm finishing them up. Are the bits uniform enough to be pleasing, is the sauce spiced enough without overpowering everything, are all the vegetables cooked just right? I feel much like an expectant father in the last minutes before serving.

Still, it should go okay.

I'll post pictures and thoughts tomorrow.

Cookbooks

2010-01-17T20:21:00.003-05:00

In the US, there is a certain fetishizing of cookbooks. There are several "legendary" or "essential" cookbooks in the US that every chef is supposed to have:

"Mastering the Art of French Cooking", "The Joy of Cooking", Alice Waters' "The Art of Simple Foods", "On Food and Cooking"all spring to mind right away.

We collect them like grigris warding off the potential of a failed soufflé or a hollandaise gone bad. I know there are others, but they sit central in the American mind as the backbone of any essential aspiring gourmand's basic education in food.

And that begs the question in my mind, do they do this in other countries? Are there a handful of deadly important cookbooks in France that get handed from parents to children, or stolen with a passel of notes and scribblings inside? Do the Germans have some cookbook that is a bastion of tradition? Do the Japanese read the recipes in some revered cookbook like they're gripping narrative?

Or is this a uniquely American invention? And if so, where does it come from? Why these books? What does it say about who we are as Americans?

Give the Whole Month of December Off

2009-12-14T08:47:00.003-05:00

I am hereby making a proposal that, as a nation, we grant the entire month of December off, with pay. I know there are some kinks to be worked out here. People still need to eat, people get sick, people do like to shop for the holidays, but...

There's a part of me that wishes we could and would give all Jewish people the entire eight days off for Hanukkah. And then you have the Christmas season, Kwanzaa, and sometimes, Diwali. It's almost an entire month's worth of reflection, rest, and celebration.

Maybe we could say "If your celebration is this week, you have it off, and you work half-time the rest of the month." That way people are still working half-days so stuff stays open, but you have more time with family and friends.

Who's with me?

You Cannot Please My Wife

2009-11-02T18:51:00.004-05:00

Heather's suffering from swine flu. It was really bad, though with a round of Tamiflu, codeine, and a rescue inhaler, she's already feeling much better, which I'm happy about. BUT...this entire experience, my wife has been saying, over and over again:

"I DO NOT HAVE SWINE FLU!"

"Why not?"

"I hate that term."

*sigh* "Alright, I hereby declare it. You have 'Coughing Pig Death'."

"I do not *cough*cough*weeze* have Coughing *hack* Pig Death."

"Why not?"

"That's even worse! I'm not going to die!"

"Right, it's Coughing PIG Death. You'll be fine."

"It's still so morbid."

"oooohhh, you need a cutsey name, like 'Rubella.' You got it. I hereby declare that you have the 'Itty Bitty Piggy Sniffles.'"

"*cough*hack*cough*cough*cough*I DON'T HAVE THAT EITHER!"

There is no pleasing that woman...

Roasting My Own Coffee At Home

2009-10-21T21:52:00.002-04:00

I've decided to start roasting my own coffee at home. I drink a lot of coffee as it is, and I've found it more and more difficult to find a good whole bean roast that I enjoy. I took to mixing certain brands that I liked for a good balance of flavors but this last time I bought two bags of beans at BJs and they're just mediocre at best.

So I've been looking into home roasting, and I found a ton of good resources online. I'm most excited about The Coffee Project. They offer you the opportunity to get free coffee beans and instructions on how to roast them on the stove top.

Once I get the beans I'll talk about the whole process and take pictures.

What a Weekend! Camping and Car Crashes Oh My!

2009-10-20T08:32:00.003-04:00

It was one hell of a weekend, let me tell you...

McKenna and I went camping with the Adventure Guides Saturday night into Sunday. This was her first event with the Adventure Guides and her first big sleep over and it went swimmingly!
On the way to the event I ran into a concrete pole in the Giant parking lot. Bent the tire rod and strut for our van, so she's in the shop now getting worked on.

It made for a very uneven weekend to have the joy of seeing my little girl having a great time with friends up in the woods in a lodge hanging with the girls and to just keep replaying my own stupidity in my head and seeing the crash into the pole. Luckily, I didn't hit the pole head on or the damage would have been a lot worse. All I did was hit it with the driver's side tire. Still, I felt like a complete idiot because I didn't even see the pole until it was too late.

Oy.

But we were all alright so it works out, and the car will be fine. And I am fine, and so far, my wife's not threatening to kill me, so that's good. :)

Still...oy.

It's a Good Thing I'm a Red Sox Fan

2009-10-18T16:11:00.002-04:00

because the crushing disappointment from that has tempered me for this complete joke of a football season the Redskins are putting together.

At this point I'm picking against my own team in the football pool because I MIGHT AS WELL WIN SOMETHING.

No Ass for Old Men

2009-10-15T14:27:00.002-04:00

There is that persistent joke about old men somehow waking up without asses, and if you ever look at old men, it appears to be true. The backs of their jeans are always hanging flat off the back end. How does that happen? When does that happen?

Apparently in a man's 30's, because Heather walked up behind me and today and made a comment. I reached around and verified, to my horror, I was...half-assed.

Damn.

Why Fishing?

2009-10-11T18:09:00.004-04:00

I never thought I'd be a fisherman. Growing up, the sport of fishing was something I viewed as just a notch above barbaric, and at least in some small part, backwards. As an English-major I admired Hemingway for his prose, but not for his obsession for catching Blue Marlins off the coast of Cuba.

I was never a particularly outdoorsy guy, and I just kind of figured I'd end up living in or near New York City, or some other large city. So it's surprising in some small part to even me that I'm so taken with fishing. And there's no single reason why I have started, or why I'm sticking with it so much, but instead a couple:

First and foremost, I love being on or near the water. Maybe it's because I grew up near the Chesapeake and the inlets of the Potomac River, but I'm most at peace when I'm near a big body of water. I mourned moving to Pennsylvania as a kid because I was so far away from the beach. I missed my friends, I missed my school, I missed my old house, but just as much I missed the open water. Fishing only carries me so far through that need. I've been talking for a while now how I want a boat. I tell my friends how if I won the lottery, I'd disappear off the Earth by buying a big enough sailboat that I could hop islands in the Caribbean and just disconnect for a while. I'm sure if I lived closer to the water now I'd have already bought myself a boat and I'd be out on the water damn near every weekend. My lawn would be knee-high and I'd be out on the ocean. And I'd be happy.
I love learning how to be more self-reliant. I figure if I learn how to go out and fish then I'm just that much more independent. And I figure if I can teach my kids to be independent and self-reliant in the world then I've done right by them. The last thing I'd want to do is raise two otherwise healthy and smart children who were either too frightened or too disgusted to fight for themselves in the woods.
I love any hobby where I get to obsess over gear. I just get all geeky and happy when I walk in to a place like Bass Pro and can stroll aisle after aisle of different fishing gear and try to figure out what it all does, and if I can use it. I don't need to even buy it. Just looking makes me feel bliss. This is not something I reasoned out before I started fishing, but it's one reason why I like it now.
But most important to me, right now my two kids beg me to take them fishing. They love spending time with me. I know this isn't going to last. At some point I'm going to be a horrible embarrassment to them. At some point, their friends, their school activities, their own lives away from here will take all of their attention and suddenly I'm good for lending them the car and doing their laundry.

So I want to cash in on every moment where I'm still important enough to be with. Taking them fishing, I get to sit in the still and quiet of nature with my two wonderful children, and just, be with them. There's no need to yell, or scold, or even talk if we don't want to. We can just sit and drown bait all day.

Yesterday, after four hours of sitting on some rocks by the Conewago Creek in the mid-October sun and feeling happily baked, my son turned to me and said "Daddy, make sure we mark this place on the map. I want to come back here again with you. Even if we don't fish, I just want to come back here with you." I know some parents who'd give their eye teeth to be that in demand from their kids. The happiness from that moment warmed me more deeply than that beautiful autumn sun. And, you can bet every dollar you have that the minute I got in the car I marked it on the map, and I will make sure I get back there with my kids.

The fishing itself, that's all secondary. I wouldn't care if I caught nothing but boots and twigs for the rest of my life so long as I also get to catch moments like that with my kids too.

The Old Man & The Sea Pt 1

2009-09-16T15:38:00.006-04:00

I've been making the most of my Netflix account since I reopened it, watching classic movies I haven't seen before. Since Hollywood just keeps remaking the same movies over and over again, I should just spend time with the originals. Usually they're so much better, on smaller budgets, smaller sets, and no special effects.

So I was excited to see "The Old Man and the Sea" staring Spencer Tracy. Hemingway is one of my favorite authors, and it's one of my favorite stories by him. Consider too, I'm recently interested in fishing, so this was a confluence of several things I love. How could it not be good?

I guess my expectations were too high.

The film was an absolute mess, and ruined Hemingway's book. Those who have read anything by Hemingway know that his prose is stripped bare, down to the very essentials of the story. Hemingway never wanted to waste even one word, and this works exceptionally well for "The Old Man and the Sea."

The sparseness of the prose perfectly reflects the empty barren life of the old man living in poverty in Cuba. The emptiness in the writing conveys the endless featureless sea. The constant muscular forward rhythm of the story underscores the relentless and painful pull of the marlin dragging the Old Man further and further out to sea, away from home, away from land, away from everything he knows. Like the sea, the life of the old man is all internal and underneath the surface. The man fishes the sea, and is the sea himself. He can no longer be separated from it, and his identity has been consumed by it. But none of this is spelled out for you. None of this is laid out for you. You must ride the wives with Santiago and struggle with him as he pulls in the fish.

But this 1958 version of the movie turns it into some sentimental schmaltz, like a Disney movie, or an over the top Willie Wonka confection, neither of which I have a problem with, but it's not right for this story. "The Old Man and the Sea" did not deserve this fate. Swelling strings, cute children, longing looks, montages of running through scenic backdrops of sea-side Havana. A stirring romantic moment of locked eyes between young boy and the cafe owner's daughter. None of this needed to exist in this movie. Hemingway did not put any of this in this story. This story is manly, in that Johnny Cash and John Wayne bruising knuckles in a bar fight over spilled whiskey kind of way. The fishermen don't talk of women, they talk of baseball stars. The boy looks up to the old man as a grandfather and teacher. There'd be no swelling strings in their life, only the hard plucked guitar of a man's man like Hank Williams Sr (RIP you son of a bitch). In fact, the era of Hank Williams Sr is the same time frame as this story. Let that vision guide where the story should have been.

Now picture Disney's Anne of Green Gables instead. The jarring distance between what should have been and what was was so painful as to almost make the movie unwatchable.

It'd be easy to point to other movies of the time and say that that's the way all movies were made, but that's not true. There are plenty of movies that were comfortable using silence, even more comfortable than most modern films. For example, "M" is a movie that lives in almost complete silence.

Worse yet, the movie has a narrator, which was not strictly necessary. Worse yet, like some Christmas movie, the narrator (also Spencer Tracy) speaks to the characters in the movie like a caring, paternalistic God. You feel like he's got some warmth and affection for the people on the screen. Gosh, he really does care about us, doesn't he?

There is no such God in the book. The narrator of the book is a passionless reporter, feeding you the rawest details of the man's life. When the old man catches and eats raw dolphin to stay alive pulled further out to sea by the marlin you can taste the old man's revulsion, strip by strip by strip. You can see in your mind the bloody wounds on the man's cramped claw-like hands as he struggles to keep hold of the fish. You get the most direct sense of the effort he goes through to stay alive alone and out to see, just the old man, the fish, and the sea.

Instead, in the movie, we get a homogenized and sentimental vignette which makes the ravages of a hard life and age seem nothing harder than a day at Universal Studios. "Come ride the 'Old Man & The Sea Ride!' Fight off starvation, exposure, and shark attacks in the most thrilling five minutes of your life!" Except, somehow, I think the ride at Universal would be truer to the story, and more interesting to boot.

Clearly, I was disappointed in a way I did not expect.

But all is not lost. There is another version, staring Anthony Quinn from 1990 that I have queued up. Expect a review of that in a few days.

Why Space?

2009-08-21T17:18:00.002-04:00

It's easy to look at a program like NASA and wonder why it exists at all, given all of the other things that are happening in the world. Why spend money to explore outer space at all? A lot of conservatives ask this when talking about government spending. A lot of left-leaning liberals ask this while wondering if the funds wouldn't be better spent on social equality programs.

The answer's pretty simple in my mind.

At some point in the future, yes the distant future, but the future none the less, the sun will expand bigger and bigger. As it does, Earth will get hotter. First the oceans and rivers will burn up, which will pretty much end life on this planet for good.

Eventually, the sun will get big enough that it will consume Mercury, Venus, and Earth before eventually collapsing in on itself as a smaller, colder, shadow of what it once was.

After that point, there will no longer be an Earth. Everything we have built, everything we have done, the monuments men have created, the homes we've built, will all be burnt up, converted into fueling for a desperately starving star.

If we don't have the technology figured out to get us and every other living thing off of this rock by the time that all happens, it is the end of everything as we know it.

That's why space is important. That's why both public and private ventures into space travel are crucial. And they're crucial starting now. Because the sooner we start exploring the vast reaches of our galaxy, and beyond, the better for all of us.

Things You Can Never Have Too Much Of

2009-08-17T11:28:00.003-04:00

Here's a list of a few things you can never have too much of:

Hugs
Peanut Butter
Chocolate
Reese's Peanut Butter (see #2 & #3 above)
Money
Free time

I know there are more, but this is just off the top of my head.

How...

2009-08-06T11:05:00.002-04:00

How can I be snarky about CNN being a panic about Twitter being down if I can't post about it on...Twitter?

Pushing Back

2009-07-06T18:04:00.004-04:00

I was going to get up and run this morning but I was so tired from camping, and happy to be sleeping in my own bed that I could not get up. So I pushed it back to lunch time.

I got involved in diagnosing a client issue in the morning and fixing it so I couldn't run at lunch. So I pushed it back to 4pm.

Got an email from my boss at 4pm asking for details about a project and spent over an hour talking to him to hash it all out. So I pushed the running back to 6pm.

It's 6pm and we still haven't eaten dinner. The kids are hungry and want to go swimming to boot. So I'm pushing back the running again.

All I want to do is run and instead all I get to do is push it back.

Why can't there be more time for me?

Restless

2009-06-29T10:48:00.001-04:00

I don't know if it's the upcoming holiday and my planned short vacation or just the general frustration with home issues, but I'm feeling deeply unsettled and restless today. I ran this morning but with the sun shining and the breeze blowing I want to be outside again. I want to run down the street, down some hills, along the creek and feel the freckled sunshine on my face. We've got a leak in the basement, leaky windows, an unfinished kitchen, and a bathroom in need of gutting and repairing. None of that's going to happen though until the market rights itself and banks get back to lending money. Who knows when that will happen though. And until we get some traction on even one of these issues, Heather and I are on edge, each of us annoyed by something different at different times.

Even worse, we both want to get the kids a playset in the backyard, but again, we don't have the money or the ability to secure financing.

So all of this frustration and aggravation bubbles inside of me. It turns and whirls inside Heather too, and together we just can't stand it. We're not usually mad at each other, just...tired. But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that sometimes I feel like a failure because I don't make enough money to just write a check and make this all go away. I wish I did, but I don't. Sometimes I entertain the idea of getting a second job just so I can get more money coming in, but that's never been a good idea, and I detest even thinking it.

The only saving grace for me is I think the kids have no awareness of the house or they just don't care. I get more calm and satisfaction from that than I care to admit. As long as they're happy and safe, I feel good. Or, not quite as restless.

Scene from the Train

2009-05-26T14:53:00.004-04:00

Across the aisle from me sits a man in scuffed white Skechers and a gray sport coat. His silver hoop earring reflects the passing landscape. He sits with two books open in his lap and a pen between his teeth, reading a few pages in each book and then switching back to the other, all the while taking notes in the margins.

His knees brush up against his wine-colored leather tote with the matching zippers. Once in a while, as he reads, he breaks into a smile and strokes his chin. He fidgets, changes his position, moves his legs, repositions his feet, but does not put his books down.

Fitness Journal - 22 May 2009

2009-05-22T19:02:00.004-04:00

I stepped out into the 3pm heat. The sun dropped over my head and my shoulders burned under my navy t-shirt. The kids ran around outside shooting each other with water guns. Trucks of tanbark rumbled by. I sat on the front stoop and quietly laced my sneakers.

I started my warm up walk around the cul de sac, stretching my calves, walking on the balls of my feet, and slowly taking lunges.

"Daddy, can we squirt you?"
"Not yet. I have my cellphone and my stop watch with me."
"Aw man..."
"Tell you what. Jog with me and you can squirt me when we're done."
"Really?"
"Really!"

They stopped and talked while I turned the corner and got to the starting line.
"Daddy, wait, we're coming with you!"
"Okay then, come on."

And we were off.

Up the street into the next cul de sac and around the curve.
"Are we ready to stop yet?" McKenna asked.
"Not yet."
"Well how long?" she huffed.
"Keep going."
We turned the corner and down the hill we ran, still keeping the slow small strides. The air was warm and my breath was a little ragged. McKenna asked again "Are we ready to stop yet?"
"Not yet."
She started to fuss but I just kept running. Owen skittered quietly about in front of me, almost making me trip twice but keeping pace.

All the way down the hill we ran. All the way down the hill McKenna fussed. I looked back at her. "If you didn't fuss, you could keep up!"
"I don't want to keep up!"
"I'm not stopping!" I was trying to beat my 15:00 minute mile. I was going to beat my 15:00 minute mile.

I turned the next corner and walked up the hill. Owen kept urging his sister on. I checked my time. Only 7 minutes elapsed so far. I could make it before 15 minutes, but I had to press on.

I caught my breath as I walked. McKenna asked "Do we have any water?"
"No"
"Can we call mommy?"
"We're almost home now. Let's keep going."

Along the rolling hills we ran towards our house. I could feel the energy in my legs giving out. My sides itched and my lungs were empty. I stopped and walked and heard a honking horn. Heather had driven by to pick up the kids. I let her shuffle them into the van while I kept going. So close to home and the stop watch showed 12:30. I was going to beat my best time!

I turned the corner to begin the hill climb up to my house and I started to sprint. 13:00, 13:30, I stopped at the corner and walked the rest of the way. I'd done it!

I complete my mile in 14:30, and as I rounded the corner back to the house, the kids ran out and sprayed me.

It was a good day.

(Photo Used by Permission from Flickr User Sylvain Mercier. All Rights Reserved)

Fitness Journal - 16 May 2009

2009-05-16T22:29:00.003-04:00

I went running today after a two day break.

I didn't plan the two-day break. I've just been busy, but I have a deal with myself that I'm not going to wait more than two days between runs, so I didn't. I was not any worse for wear by taking those two days off. I tried something different this time though, to see how it worked. I took smaller steps when I jogged to see if it changed how long I could run for, and I was happy to see that it did. My knees also didn't hurt nearly as bad when I was done.

I kept the smaller pace a lot longer, and when I rounded the corner to take the last hill I pushed myself hard to sprint up it. I didn't make it to the top of the hill sprinting, and it took a long time to catch my breath, but baby steps, baby steps.

I feel great for the running. I am more energetic, and I spend time daydreaming about running now in different situations. Where I would only daydream about martial arts, now sometimes I see myself in foot races or sports. Good times, at least, in my own head.

The depressing thing for me is I'm still not seeing any change in weight, and not much in terms of waist size right now. I feel like I should have seen a change in that regard yet. Because I haven't, I'm looking to change my diet around. I was on Atkins, which does not work well for me, when I'm running. I need some carbs to replace what I'm using when running.

Someone suggested the Paleolithic Diet to me, but I'm not entirely sold on it. For one, I'm not entirely convinced that the human race hasn't evolved to allow us to profit from eating certain legumes and grains. Furthermore, the sites I've seen that recommend the diet say processed foods are bad, but also recommend olives. As a foodie who's watched Good Eats, I know what goes into the process of curing olives, and it qualifies as a processed food. Any time I need to soak my food in lye for a long period to make it what it is today, it's processed. I'm just saying.

What I think I need to do is increase the amount of leaner meats, swap out the bad fats like mayo (I'm gonna miss you buddy) for better ones, and start adding fruits back in. If I'm going to eat more carbs, they may as well be fruits.

Actually, what I think I should do is probably go see a sports nutritionist and talk this over with him/her.

We'll see what happens.

On the in-between days I'm doing the Hundred Pushups challenge and I'm going to start adding weight training. That will have a positive effect on both my running and my weight. I'm going to focus on mostly core exercises, though I will also work in squats, dead lifts, and lunges, so I build some more strength in my legs.

The goal is to get healthy by the fall so I feel like a better role model for my own kids, and then kids on my soccer teams. That, and live damn near forever. I'd like that too.

(Photo Used By Permission from Flickr user Carmelo Aquilina. All Rights Reserved)

Exercise Journal - 11 May 2009

2009-05-11T07:44:00.003-04:00

I got up this morning a little before 4.30 to run. I looked at the clock to make sure I was reading it right. I wasn't tired, but I wasn't awake either. Was it really that early? As I stood there breathing and whirring in the dark, Heather rolled over.
"Is it time to get up already?"
I leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "Not yet. I'm going running."
"But you just went to bed."
"It only feels that way. I love you."
She rolled over and fell back asleep. I set the alarm clock to 5.30 and pulled on shorts, a heavy gray t-shirt, and my beige Nike hoodie with the frayed collar and cuffs. The fan sucked in gulps of the cool night air and I knew I needed a jacket to run in or I'd freeze.

I stood looking in the mirror for a minute, staring at myself. I entertained the idea that I might actually look dashing, and then I got to the business of brushing my teeth. Once I was done with that, I pulled up the leg of my shorts and pissed in the toilet and I was off. Down the stairs, stop watch in hand, and out the door I stepped into the dark early morning.

It was quiet. The birds barely murmured. The roads still slept. The air felt poised to spring up. I slowly walked the circle, taking time to tweet that I was out jogging that early.

I turned the corner and started jogging. Immediately my knees complained and felt stiff, so I slowed a little, but I wasn't going to stop. I turned the corner and into the next circle. Dogs in house barked madly as I made my rounds. Birds started waking and whooping in the trees. Someone opened their garage door. I pushed on, jogging down the long hill till I couldn't suck breath any more. I reveled in the fact that I'd jogged without stopping even further than I had any time before. I checked my stop watch and saw I wasn't making great time, but I still felt wonderful.

I walked for two minutes until my breath caught up with me and then I started again, jogging the rolling hills of my neighborhood, making the turns and climbs back to my house. The joy of living on top of the hill is paired with the pain of having to climb that hill every time you want to get home. At 4.30 in the morning my wife's not going to get out of bed to pick me up if I get lazy.

When I got back to the circle by my house I slowed and walked quietly. The neighbor's dog Molly apoplectically barked at me again. I laughed and sucked air as I cooled down. The stop watch showed I'd made a 17-minute mile. I was happy. It wasn't my best time, but I didn't even expect that good of a result for running that early.

And there's always Wednesday to improve on my time.

What? Was It Something I Said?

2009-03-28T20:18:00.002-04:00

So yesterday I posted a comment a "touch" off-color on Twitter:

@jlsp30 you should have said "Nope, this is Pizza Hut. Would you like to try our new stuffed dumbass Pizza?"

This morning when I checked my email, six people had stopped following. Three of them were people I don't even know, but the fact that three people I know stopped following me was disconcerting.

But the more I think about it, the more I don't care. If people are going to be upset about me saying dumbass, fuck them. Bunch of dumbasses...

I Know I've Been Gone For a While

2009-03-26T22:38:00.001-04:00

So let this make up for my severe negligence:

2009-03-05T09:21:00.001-05:00

It's going to be a very busy day.

2009-03-03T15:11:00.001-05:00

struck with a strong and sudden urge for the Smiths.

2009-03-03T13:22:00.001-05:00

asked boss if he wanted more "jazz hands" in a doc. he wrote back "what is a jazz hand?" I responded with a LOLCat: http://bit.ly/djp24

2009-03-03T10:28:00.001-05:00

Oh man my head is full of clouds and cobwebs. I can't shake myself awake.

2009-03-01T19:20:00.001-05:00

Son enters while wife says to me: "You are such a smart ass...lec" When son leaves, me: "Classy hon. 'Smart-ass-lick.' Well done."

You! You Did This To Yourself!

2009-02-27T15:37:00.002-05:00

Like a lot of people I have spent the last few weeks working while keeping an eye on the stock market. I know there has been a lot of gnashing of teeth about Citibank and Bank of America, two of the largest banks in the world.

Their long slide into irrelevance and embarrassment is their own doing. I refuse to feel pity and shame for these companies that made irresponsible decisions and are now causing us all to suffer.

Citibank, in particular, has lost 97% of it's value over the last five years. I hope you fail. I hope you fall into bankruptcy. I hope your executives soil themselves as shareholders and employees alike storm the boardroom and demand justice.

2009-02-27T11:48:00.001-05:00

watching Man vs. Wild and working on documentation.

2009-02-27T09:20:00.001-05:00

I have this sinking feeling that I'm being outmaneuvered on something and I don't like it.

2009-02-25T10:22:00.001-05:00

getting all caught up after a very busy night last night.

2009-02-23T16:57:00.001-05:00

so I just keep wondering if there's going to be some point where the NYSE hits 0. what then? go home, hug the family, and wait for the end of the world?

2009-02-23T08:51:00.001-05:00

to the girl on the blue scooter: the sight of you laughing as you raced cabs down JFK, your purple scarf waving in the wind, made my morning

Yesterday's Loss in Soccer

2009-02-23T07:03:00.002-05:00

The kids' loss in soccer yesterday is still sticking with me. I'm not sure why, though I know that I was hoping to win. The team we faced was very physical, and I haven't taught my team to be like that, so I guess I was hoping for skill to win over violence. Violence is probably too strong a word, but my daughter's knees are bruised up this morning and scraped.

You who know me know that I don't worry about bruised and scraped knees per se, it's part of childhood, but I don't like it when it comes at the hand of kids who are routinely pushing my little girl to stop her from dribbling the ball.

Very frustrating.

2009-02-22T15:28:00.001-05:00

kids lost a 2-squeaker to a very physical team. they kept pushing my kids. oh well. part of sports is learning to handle losses.

2009-02-20T15:53:00.001-05:00

got the catalog of Girl Scout camps McKenna could attend. she's really a big girl now, isn't she? damn I wasn't ready for all this emotion

2009-02-19T13:37:00.001-05:00

someone walked by singing "she's a rich girl" so now I've got Hall & Oates stuck in my head. thanks Steve!

2009-02-19T09:09:00.001-05:00

listening to Radio Lab and finishing out the crossword. it's seriously one of the best ways to start the day.

2009-02-18T22:40:00.001-05:00

watching Lost. ready for bed.

Ich bin ein Gummi Bear

2009-02-18T14:12:00.002-05:00

My friend Jessica posted this on her blog, and I'm passing it along. It's the earworm du jour. Not quite as infectious as the Mai-a-hee song, but still worth a listen to be sure...

I present "I'm A Gummi Bear" (in English) or (my favorite) in German:

"ICH BIN EIN GUMMMIII BEAARRRR"

2009-02-18T09:25:00.001-05:00

working from home. Heather's not feeling great on the pump yet, so I'm nearby to help. :( Just takes time to get used it I hope.

2009-02-17T08:54:00.001-05:00

I was not expecting to be in the office today. I am exhausted and foggy in the head.

Yesterday's Weight Loss

2009-02-15T08:55:00.002-05:00

I lost 8 lbs yesterday at the gym. Go me! McKenna came downstairs and looked at me and said "You look thinner." w00t!

Exercising

2009-02-14T23:57:00.002-05:00

I joined Planet Fitness today. My wife's been a member for a few weeks now and has been very happy with it so I went today and worked out. It's good to finally be in a gym again. I'll post updates as I exercise so you all can keep track.

On that note, I worked out for an hour and I'm tired and sore, so have a good night.

2009-02-12T14:48:00.001-05:00

buckling down and getting some things done now. big code release tomorrow. 28 new things go to the client.

Mo with the Red Hair

2009-02-12T14:36:00.004-05:00

I'm kind of an anomaly amongst fathers. I go to all of my kids' special events, including class parties. I figure I only have one pass at these kinds of events and given the choice between a quicker path to success at work or building the strongest family relationship I can, I'm going to choose family every day of the week and twice on Sunday. The way I figure, the employer I have today is not going to be there to take care of me when I'm decrepit and old. They will not give me grandchildren in the future. I don't get hugs from my work. It's pretty clear (or I think it is) which is more valuable.

So, yesterday McKenna's class had their Valentine's Day Party, and I was there. But I wasn't just there. I make an event of it. I dress up, I act goofy, I am one of the kids when I am there. So for the party yesterday I dyed my hair bright red. I've been growing it out for almost two months so I could, and now I want to share the awesomeness with you.

There you have it. I thought it was a good look for me, but yesterday afternoon my wife made me shave it all off. I'm back to being bald.

But maybe I'll dye the beard green for St. Patrick's Day...

2009-02-11T22:13:00.001-05:00

thinking about playing some PS3 and relaxing for a few minutes before bed.

2009-02-11T16:23:00.001-05:00

on the Flintstones birds filled in for modern technology, so it occurred to me that some poor bird was Fred Flintstone's toilet. OMG!

2009-02-11T15:00:00.001-05:00

my dad would have loved Flobots. he may have been born in 1923 but he loved radical politics and musical innovations.

2009-02-10T17:51:00.001-05:00

my wife just texted me and told me that no one at my daughter's school is eating the soup I made. I'm kind of heartbroken. :(

2009-02-10T08:21:00.001-05:00

back on my diet full time now. only one more carb indulgence day to go: Fastnacht Day.

2009-02-09T14:26:00.001-05:00

been reading "The Yiddish Policemen's Union" lately. makes me want to dig out my dad's old copy of "The Joy of Yiddish"

Big Day Today - Heather Gets Her Insulin Pump

2009-02-09T09:42:00.007-05:00

I took the day off today because my wife's starting the insulin pump. This is a huge thing for us that's the result of about six months of hard work on the part of Heather and a lot of prodding, suggesting, and help from me.

For those who don't know, an insulin pump is essentially an electronic pancreas. It helps diabetics take better control of their blood sugars by continually streaming small amounts of insulin into their body, rather than the traditional methods of four or more injections or mixing types of insulin to try and manage the highs and lows of daily living.

This week she will be doing a "dry-run" which means she will load the pump with only saline but will use it as if it were really dispensing insulin. If all goes well with this week's work she will start using it for real next week. I took next week Monday off for that as well.

Technical Data:

For those who are really curious, my wife's going to be using the Animas One Touch Ping, which is one of the most advanced pumps available. It comes with both the pump and a PDA like device that communicates wirelessly with the pump and helps the user determine the right amount of insulin based on their current blood sugar (aka bolus) and what they've eaten. It also trends blood sugars so the long-term effectiveness of the pump can be determined as well as adjust to natural lows and highs in the body. It does not, as of yet, automatically test the blood sugar and self-calculate insulin. Doctors say that's another ten years before that happens. When it does, it will be a breakthrough for diabetics everywhere, nothing short of a fully automatic external pancreas. Also of interest to me is the fact that it's another step closer to cyborgs. So, it's cool in a way that I'm married to a cyborg. ;)

2009-02-09T09:34:00.001-05:00

I've come to the conclusion that leftover lamb rogan josh is the real breakfast of champions. hands down.

2009-02-08T21:07:00.001-05:00

working on some client issues because I have off tomorrow. I won't know what to do with myself having off all day.

2009-02-05T13:58:00.001-05:00

chewy granola is for pansies. real granola is hard, like the men who eat it.

2009-02-05T09:10:00.001-05:00

working hard and keeping my pimp hand strong.

2009-02-04T10:12:00.001-05:00

huge mess in the office. a toilet exploded. all of the carpet in the front entrance is ruined. the whole office reeks of chemicals.

2009-02-03T20:36:00.001-05:00

dishes are done. laundry's done. work is done. I'm putting the kids to bed and going too. good night!

2009-02-03T19:20:00.001-05:00

all full of tasty Chinese food. dynasty in Camp Hill wasn't bad. I actually thought it was decent. my wife was unimpressed.

2009-02-02T08:50:00.001-05:00

I have absolutely nothing pithy to say and just thought I'd share.

2009-01-29T23:20:00.001-05:00

alright, I admit it. I just ate an entire jar of nutella. damn, I can't believe I did that. but it was...delicious.

2009-01-28T15:33:00.001-05:00

sometimes you are not where you thought you were. you need a change of scenery to find yourself again.

2009-01-28T10:53:00.001-05:00

dear Canadian Bacon, thank you for being so awesome.

2009-01-26T09:07:00.001-05:00

been reading "Warrior Girls" and now I'm worrying about how to prevent ACL injuries in my soccer teams, and more importantly, my kids.

2009-01-25T16:05:00.001-05:00

back from soccer. the kids won their second game in a row! w00t! opposing team played the same tiny soccer robot we faced last week. wth

2009-01-21T13:53:00.001-05:00

Lost tonight, Lost tonight, Lost tonight, Lost tonight, Lost tonight, Lost tonight....LOST TONIGHT!!!!!! thx, I'm here all week!

Plans for Soccer - I'm Coaching Two Teams! (Maybe)

2009-01-20T23:45:00.004-05:00

Both Owen and McKenna want to do soccer next year, which is great, but they will be on different teams and they're both demanding I coach them, which is not so great. I've been talking to my wife about what I'm going to do, especially because we haven't been sure whether Owen's been serious about soccer but the paperwork came today asking me if I was going to volunteer again, so I agreed to coach both teams.

It sounds nuts. It is nuts. It was hard at the beginning coaching one team, but I enjoyed the hell out of it. I got to spend time with my friend Jeff which was awesome, spend time with my kids, and make new friends, so those were all pluses. My kids really love soccer and both are decent at it, so I want to continue to encourage their interest.

I don't even know if they'll let me coach two teams or not. Some of the other coaches have done it in the past, so it shouldn't be a big deal, and Jeff has said that he might coach this year too, so maybe I'll let him have a team and take a back seat. I don't know yet.

What I do know is I really love coaching, more than anything I can remember in a long time, and as long as I enjoy it I'm going to keep doing it. Hell, at this point, if I could get paid to do it full time I'd jump at the chance. I mean that seriously.

Inauguration Tomorrow

2009-01-19T21:56:00.003-05:00

I'm excited for the inauguration tomorrow. It truly feels like a long national, and personal, nightmare is over. This lapsing administration has been a disaster in every sense of the word. I am still a libertarian and I hope for smaller government and more freedoms. I am working for the cause of smaller government but I'd also love an undoing of the Bush presidency and that wasn't going to happen with McCain. It wasn't going to happen with Bob Barr or any of the third-party candidates. I saw the writing on the wall and knew which direction the country was going to shift. So I am going with it. I view Obama as the ipecac of politics.

But even more importantly, I'm excited to have a president that is not afraid of education, is not afraid of intelligence, or making an informed decision, who deliberates. I am excited to have a president who's hallmark will not be goofy names for journalists but will be straightforward answers and attempts to fix the problems we're facing.

This really is great time in history.

2009-01-19T16:43:00.001-05:00

feeling suddenly wistful as twilight approaches

2009-01-19T10:02:00.001-05:00

grilled cheese for breakfast this morning: three kinds of cheddar, spices, and a thin smear of mayo. good oily coffee too.

2009-01-17T20:57:00.001-05:00

have a glass of white wine and relaxing in front of the TV. watching Best Week Ever. my wife's not sold on @twitterkins hosting.

2009-01-16T09:39:00.001-05:00

on the phone, working. watching "The Story of India". relaxing. I am the awesome.

2009-01-15T21:54:00.001-05:00

home and relaxing after a great client meeting and a good dinner with the family.

2009-01-13T08:39:00.001-05:00

there's always something that's on fire. just when I think I've settled all of the issues, something else comes up.

Seven Places I Really Want to Visit Right Now

2009-01-10T00:55:00.012-05:00

I'm feeling down and kind of depressed right now, which is not always unusual for me. Sometimes this mood will wash over me without warning and then pass the next day or two, but it's what keeps me up right now. I'm actually going to force myself to go to bed in a few minutes so I can get some sleep, otherwise I'd be likely to stay up all night working or playing on the computer.

So I'm thinking about seven places I'd rather be right now. This is in no particular order.

1. Atlantic City, NJ - There is a certain stark charm to Atlantic City during the winter. It's too cold and windy for the tacky to be out. The boardwalk is sometimes silent aside from the crashing waves, and the casinos are empty. AC wears that well.
2. Apricale, I taly - That's the place in the above picture. It looks gorgeous. It's on the Italian Riveria, so it's only an hour from the beach, right across the border from France, and near Nice. Italian food, French food, fresh air, and the beach? Yes please. (Photo courtesy of Flickr user Bert52. All rights reserved.)
3. Disney World - It's warm and the air is thick. It truly has the feel of magic. Both times I've been to Disney World I have been overwhelmed by how at peace I feel. Maybe they put Xanax in water. Maybe I just belong there. I have a CD of the music that they play in the background at Animal Kingdom and when I am at my darkest I put it on. When I do that same peaceful feeling floods my heart and I cry.
4. Kerala, India - Also warm. I have been told that Kerala is the most beautiful place in India, and from the pictures I have seen, I'd believe it. The picture here is of the sunset on a boat tour through the waters of Kerala. I want so badly to go there. They say that 70,000 years ago the ancestors of man who migrated out of Africa settled in the Kerala region and many never left. I really can't say that I blame them.
(Photo courtesy of Flickr user albany_tim. All rights reserved.)
5. Japan - Right now I don't want to visit the Japan we most often see, the big city and all of the insanity and weirdness that comes with it, but the reflective pine forests and quiet contemplative places. I want to find a place to be still. I want to find a place to be able to say nothing for long periods of time and have that be okay.
6. Santorini, Greece - Built on top of, and next to, many volcanos, Santorini is also a stark place. But in the midst of all that starkness people have built incredible beauty and charm. A long time ago I bought a small postcard sized picture of a terrace in Santorini looking out onto the Mediterranean without knowing where it was. I just knew I wanted to step through the picture and onto that terrace very badly. I still do. (Photo courtesy of Flickr user MarcelGermain. All rights reserved.)
7. Sao Paolo, Brazil - It's not that I crave busy or bustle right now. Clearly I'm seeking refuge from it, but there's still a part of me that wants to go there. I would love to travel the whole of Brazil, but I find something incredibly appealing about Brazil's "second city." Rio may get more of the attention but I'm less interested in it. Maybe it's because Anthony Bourdain spent time in Sao Paolo and that got me interested.

There are plenty of other places that I would love to visit one day, these are just the ones that are right at the forefront of my head.

Maybe once I sleep I will feel more whole again and this desire to travel will have subsided. Somehow, though, I doubt it.

2009-01-08T08:43:00.001-05:00

had a great train ride into the city. listened to Radio Lab, did the NYT crossword, and snoozed.

2009-01-07T21:59:00.001-05:00

watching Scrubs. hoping it doesn't go all seventh-season-of-Gilmore-Girls because of the network change.

2009-01-07T12:25:00.001-05:00

this is just one of those days that feels all weird and out of place. can't tell if the weird is in me or coming from the outside.

2009-01-06T13:37:00.001-05:00

trying to convince my kids that now that Redskins aren't in the playoffs it's okay to root for the Steelers.

2009-01-06T08:48:00.001-05:00

unsubscribing from a slew of newsletters I never read any more. simplify simplify simplify.

The Things We Remember

2009-01-05T22:15:00.007-05:00

I was in the passenger's seat while my mom drove. It was getting dark and cold outside. The sky was a dark streaked purple. Crows roosted on the powerlines and they watched the cars pass back and forth.

We were headed to Renova, the nursing home my dad was living at while he slowly died. He didn't respond to us any more. His skin was thin and yellowing more each day. His breath came out in small slow clicks.

I would sit in his room for a while and then go to the rec room and listen to the parakeets flit in their cage before going back to his room. The whole building smelled of urine and collapsing ruin, but my dad's room had a different smell that was completely his.

I leaned in to kiss him on the forehead and rubbed his head. My mom stood in the door and talked to the nurse.

"Isn't there anything you can do for the jaundice?"
"No ma'am. There isn't."
"Is his doctor going to come by?"
"He was already here."

I went outside to cool down. The crows skittered across the sky. I thought about "The Dark Half" which I was reading in between visits to my dad. I would go back in and sit with him and talk to him. The same clicking breathing. The same yellowing skin. The parakeets. The crows. The crushing purple sky. The days all ran together.

Trips to the nursing home, reading Stephen King, eating out. All of the time blended together. The only constant was my entire life was waiting for my dad to die.

(Photo courtesy of Flickr user NewMediaBrew. All rights reserved.)

2009-01-04T19:45:00.001-05:00

finished playing rock band for the night and getting ready for an early bed time. finally have to go back to work tomorrow. :(

The Potential of Oxtails

2009-01-04T13:28:00.005-05:00

I am not what you'd call a timid eater. I am willing to try anything at least twice and I always make myself revisit foods I've written off to see if my tastes have changed. I figure if people get by eating fish heads or brussel sprouts I can try them again, at least just once.

So yesterday at the store I picked up oxtails.

Oxtails are not commonly used in the US, but they are found in dishes in other parts of the world, so I want to take a crack at them.

I haven't figured out what I'm going to do with them yet. I've considered trying a Spanish dish or a Chinese dish (in honor of the year of the Ox!) or maybe a Moghul dish, like a remix of rogan josh. Oxtails have the bone in the center and a lot of connective tissue in them which makes them ideal for stews, braises, and long, slow cooking recipes which will convert the collagen into gelatin.

Just thinking about the possibilities of what I can do with the oxtails is making me hungry.

For me, it is not just the final dish that makes cooking fun but also the wide-open possibilities before you start. Food is very much like Lego. You can do so many different things with the same basic building blocks that it's hard for me to not want to try them all. Cooking is both art and engineering, creation and chemistry, birthing and building.

(Photo courtesy of Flickr user stirwise. All rights reserved.)

2009-01-04T00:04:00.001-05:00

my wife's completely addicted to RockBand 2. I'm not complaining. Just saying...

2009-01-03T19:27:00.001-05:00

watching Eagle Eye. another shitty movie with all computers controlled from on location. I doubt the 7-11 CCTV is networked, no offense.

New Years Resolutions

2009-01-02T22:33:00.003-05:00

I have a list of resolutions that I'm pledging myself to this year:

I pledge to only work at most two nights in a week.
I pledge to have at least two nights a month for movies with the kids
I pledge to have at least two nights a month for game night with the kids
I pledge to blog three times a week
I pledge to work on the Artist's Way
I pledge to start doing yoga three times a week, in addition to the other exercises, etc I'm already doing

My plan also has another step, which is to revisit these every month to revise them. Resolutions are good but they need to be renewed, pruned, trimmed as they don't work.

My Heart Breaks Open

2008-12-31T00:51:00.004-05:00

I'm watching "The Namesake" tonight while I work. The movie speaks about the troubles of growing up a first-generation American and trying to balance between deep cultural traditions and the American way of life. My mom is from Germany so I feel a lot of connection to the themes in the movie.

But there is something more about this movie. This movie hit me on a lot of levels. Seeing how Kal Penn treats his parents as they get older, disrespecting them when they clearly love him. And then his changing relationship with them. I worry all the time about how my kids will treat me and perceive me as they age and I do too. I hope they love me. I hope I am close to them and they know how important they are to me.

And then there's a whole other level to the movie that I do not understand. Every movie about India, and I mean every movie, has broken open my heart. And I cried. I can't explain it. It as if something inside me springs forth with joy with only the thought of the place or the sight. I know it is not some perfect place. I've seen the pictures. I've talked with my friends, and I know that there is much there that is bad. But still...

I don't know why this happens, and I don't know that I ever will. I don't know that I ever want to know. And sometimes it scares me. I have read about people who have idolized India and I don't think I am one of those people. I don't want to be one of those people. I don't want my identity to be subsumed by a whole nation. I want to be my own person not identified by one thing, and I feel like I am sometimes. But none of those thoughts stop me from breaking down whenever I see something about India.

2008-12-30T10:03:00.001-05:00

my son's asthma is really flaring up these last two days. he's getting treatments three/four times a day now.

2008-12-28T22:20:00.001-05:00

nerd alert: I've decided that the Star Trek transporter technology bothers me because it indicates a person's soul is a measurable quantity.

2008-12-28T18:22:00.001-05:00

loving watching the Cowgirls lose to the Eagles is making me very happy.

2008-12-28T11:50:00.001-05:00

economic times being what they are we've decided to not renew our NFL Sunday Ticket next year. I'm bummed but we need to save money

2008-12-27T23:20:00.001-05:00

Owen is having a hell of a time with his asthma tonight. Giving him a nebulizer treatment while he sleeps to relieve his coughing.

2008-12-27T21:59:00.001-05:00

working but wishing I was playing Rock Band. Or Guitar Hero. guess I'm playing...Documentation Hero. It's not nearly as much fun.

2008-12-26T21:13:00.001-05:00

thinking about a pumpkin roll stuffed with coffee cheesecake.